Pop’s Top 10 Most Mediocre of 2009

A caveat, first: Mediocrity isn’t bad. Some (almost all?) of these songs are among my most-played tunes this year. That said, they’re not remarkable and most of them will (hopefully!) recede into the white noise of 2009 as we make our first brave step towards the last year of the noughties. Well-learned pop listeners will find that RedOne has contributed to two of the songs below. No, I’m not giving you a link to download these songs. Mediocrity may not be bad, but it should never be passed around virally, either.

• Tinchy Stryder & Amelle, “Never Leave You” - Unless Jay-Z/Kanye/whoever steps in for Tinchy and this song gets traction in the States, no need to bother.

• Lady Gaga, “Poker Face” - On the radio, Gaga’s pretty throwaway. My affair with Gaga demands she bring the “full package” which includes wild performances, weird costumes, warped production values, wacky jaunts on the pianoforte, and so forth. This is why her world tour will be massive. And why I don’t mind that “Bad Romance” or “Poker Face,” I’m not disappointed. The videos deliver where the music clearly fails.

• The Saturdays, “Forever Is Over” - [Crickets chirping]

• The Pussycat Dolls & AR Rahman, “Jai Ho” - Stupidest Oscar cash-in ever. Yes, I’m including that time they tried to send one of those Catherine Zeta-Jones songs from Chicago to the radio for adds.

• Miley Cyrus, “Party In the USA” - Groan.

• Cheryl Cole, “Fight For This Love” - Blah.

• Sugababes, “About A Girl” - Eh.

• Little Boots, “Remedy” - Ugh! The year’s biggest letdown. I was expecting massive things from her, but her live performances never quite brought “it.” Excellent tune, but it wore thin quickly.

• The XX, “Teardrops” - Fun fact! This was the second cover of this tune to emerge this year, the first (and similarly boring) version by the Sugababes (obviously). I know they’re like the best band or something ever to happen in 2009 or something, but I’ve yet to make my way around to their original music. So I’ve been passing the time with this. While it’s very inspired, the broodiness all seems a little too calculated. Then again, the good list (“Best-Of” or whatever) includes Natalie Imbruglia. I’m probably not to be trusted.