Girls Aloud, “Jump (For My Love)”

I think I’ve told some of you this story, but a good story is worth repeating, right? Right. Very well. So about seven years ago, I was dating my first boyfriend and weeks later, he freaked out because I was secretly a dragon and I didn’t tell him that or I was actually the alien king of the planet Neptune and I didn’t tell him that, but either way, both of those things were not to his liking. So he unceremoniously dumped me, canceled our relationship on Facebook (oh yes! this was just as Facebook coming into vogue and a canceled relationship was the kiss of death to your ego!), and left me bruised and tormented and making angels in a pool of M&Ms in my apartment for months after.

The way my college was laid out, there is only one place that you can go rave at if you are a gay men who wants to pursue the company of other gay men while listening to music that is marketed to gay men. Statistically, it is very likely to run into your ex at this place if both of you enjoy a good dance on a Friday night.

So I was at this place one Friday night and after a while, my ex-boyfriend turns up—and suddenly, the DJ queues up this jam! The DJ queues up “Jump” by Girls Aloud—and so I did! And so did my pals who were at the club with me. We all did a fair bit of jumping and then we decided we need to continue jumping on the stage, as a song of this awesomeness mandated maximum altitudinal ambition. So I led them by the hand to the stage; I made sure to barge through the pitiful circle my ex had formed with his friends, because, you guys, DANCEFLOOR POLITICS IS NOT AMATEUR HOUR.